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Contains 100% natural spring humor.
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July 24, 2007
The Top 15 Job-Hunting Tips
- Don't mention you only want the job to hold you over until that Nigerian businessman's estate sends you your $27 million.
- Writing "no permanent address" on the application form might be counter-productive.
- First impressions matter! Offer the recruiter a sip from your juice box.
- It's still considered bad form to list your parole officer or bail bondsman as a personal reference.
- Since most female executives are a little insecure, they appreciate compliments on their breasts -- particularly if you use really, really big words you learned in your online college courses.
- Never go job hunting with Dick Cheney.
- Do not write your cover letter using a #2 pencil. Or a pointy stick with #2 on the end of it.
- Ixnay on the igpay atinlay, Esterchay.
- During first interviews, limit usage of the phrase "So long as Daddy gets his taste."
- On a resume, it's considered poor form to mention the javelin stuck in your back. However, before the interview, go ahead and inquire about the dimensions of the elevators.
- Speaking Klingon does not make you multilingual, geekboy.
- During the interview, it's a good idea not to show *too* much interest in the details of the drug testing program.
- Don't show off your research by naming all the employees you consider do-able.
- Leave your interviewer a thank-you card with a small gift enclosed, such as a wallet-sized rectangular portrait of Benjamin Franklin.
and the Number 1 Job-Hunting Tip...
- Can't find a job opening? Meet people who have the kind of job you want, then kill one.
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Selected from 99 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1, Topic (84th #1) Hall of Famer
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 2
- Jennifer Ford, Chicago, IL -- 3 Website
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 4, 12
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 5
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 6 Website
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 7 Website / Hall of Famer
- Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA -- 8
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 9, Banner Tag
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 11, 13
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 12
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 15
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Skitzofreniks, Boston, MA -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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