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Suggested side dish: tofu burritos.
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November 27, 2007
The Top 20 Little-Known Uses
for Leftover Thanksgiving Food
- A roll: Feed all the contestants on "Americas Next Top Model."
- Green bean casserole: Add another layer of hilarity to the whoopee cushion planted for Monday's staff meeting!
- Gravy: Surprise snowball centers!
- Drumstick: Great for beating your timid Democratic congressman over the head with.
- Turkey carcass: Just a coat of Krylon away from being a sturdy battle helmet.
- Gravy: Keep the turkey baster handy too. Together they might come in handy in case waterboarding is ever ruled to be illegal.
- Turkey: A few days after Thanksgiving, it becomes an amazingly effective appetite suppressant.
- Mashed potatoes: Spackle substitute.
- Raw turkey neck: The grandkids never tire of the old "detachable penis" bit.
- Jell-O salad: Before indulging her Christmas wish, let your insecure 16-year-old test-drive a couple of DD implants at school for a week.
- Green bean casserole: Use to lubricate the garbage disposal.
- Drumstick: Marital aid for her. Pie, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, etc.: Marital aids for him.
- Turkey: Perfect for invading Iraq!
- Giblet gravy: The world's best fake vomit, plus it can be used to induce *actual* vomiting!
- Yams: Comedy prop to be used during your Popeye impression.
(Carrot Top only)
- Turkey: Send to lab. Extract steroids and growth hormones.
Feed Barry Bonds.
- Cranberry sauce: Spread gently on head of baby; have toddler pose nearby with brick; wait for the hilarity of Mom's scream.
- What could possibly be better than a bean-bag chair?
A *gravy*-bag chair.
- Dark meat: Add a little bleach and you've got white meat, Jacko-style!
and the Number 1 Little-Known Use for Leftover Thanksgiving Food...
- "Dear Topfive, What's a 'leftover'? Sincerely, America."
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Selected from 93 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 1 (17th #1)
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 2
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 3
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 4 Website
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 4 Website / Hall of Famer
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 5, 20
- Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 6 Website
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7, 9, 18 (Hat trick!) Hall of Famer
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 7
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 11, 19 Website / Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 12
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 13, 16 Website
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 13
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 13 Website / Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 13
- Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 13
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 14
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 15, 17 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic, Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Kansas, Topeka, KS -- Ambience (explanation)
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