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Don't Tase me, bro!
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September 21, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
As you *might* have heard, former football star
O.J. Simpson is in hot water again, this time in
connection with an alleged armed robbery at a
hotel room in Las Vegas. Simpson "stole" some of
his own memorabilia from a man who was selling it.
The Top 20 OJ Simpson Defense Rhymes
- It was only a heist --
nobody got sliced.
- If they stole my shit,
you must acquit!
- I never do nothin' but I always get blamed.
My mug shot ain't the only thing that's been framed.
- Yo, *my* name's on the brass,
So "theft"? Kiss my ass!
- C'mon, those items all were mine!
Since when did repo become a crime?
- If the memorabilia belongs to the Juice,
then do the right thing and let me go loose!
- You can't convict me of a crime
just because you think I'm slime.
- You acquitted me of homicide,
so I didn't realize laws applied.
- That set up was cold, man.
I blame old man Goldman!
- Haters are listing my shit too low,
according to "Killer Souvenir Roadshow!"
- Don't put me to death --
I was whacked out on meth!
- If I truly *meant* to be hurtin',
their jugulars would be spurtin'.
- I had to get my stuff back, honey.
The Browns and Goldmans got all my money!
- I would admit it,
"If I Did It."
- I hope each of you jurists believes
I was looking for the *real* thieves.
- You shouldn't have nabbed me --
that makes me get stabby.
- I was just looking for the key
to my rental car, a Hertz Grand Prix.
- It was just a dry run
for the new "Naked Gun."
- I screamed, "It's my memorabilia!
Give it back or I'll kill y-- er... file a complaint with the concierge."
and the Number 1 OJ Simpson Defense Rhyme...
- The charges are quite simply outrageous!
Besides, you know, "What happens in Vegas..."
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Selected from 105 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- 1 (14th #1)
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 2, 6
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 2 Website / Hall of Famer
- Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI -- 3, 4
- Carolyn Rosser, Washington, DC -- 3, 20
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 7, 17 Website / Hall of Famer
- L. A. Bettencourtt, Macon, GA -- 8
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 9, 11 Website / Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 10 Website
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 13
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 15 Website / Hall of Famer
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 16
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 18
- Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR -- 19 Website / Hall of Famer
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 19
- Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- Topic
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- George Duke, San Rafael, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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