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From four generations of listmakers.
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July 14, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
You know those Out-of-Office AutoReply e-mail
notifications you get when you send e-mail
to someone who's on vacation? Great idea,
but the messages are so *painfully* boring.
The Top 15 Out-of-Office E-Mails We'd Like to See
(Part II)
- Sorry I missed your e-mail. Not really, but it sounds nice to say, doesn't it?
- I'm in the bathroom washing my balls. Why? Because I'm playing golf this afternoon, you perv.
- I'm not at my desk, and you might have noticed that the new hottie from Accounting isn't at her desk, either. I'll be back when I can regain my strength.
- Actually, I've been back for 6 months, but I can't figure out how to turn this damn thing off.
- ... Disclaimer: Acknowledgment of receipt has no real bearing on when, or if, your message will actually be seen. It is the electronic equivalent of a Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes letter.
- Sorry, I'm away clearing brush at my ranch. Heck, I don't understand this fancy electrical messagificating stuff anyway.
- Trapped in a four-walled cubicle with no water, no food, and a network embedded with porn-site-blocking software. SEND HELP!!
- As of yesterday, I am no longer with the company. I will be helping expatriates from Nigeria to move large sums of money for a considerable fee, and won't need to work with you suckers anymore. See ya, wouldn't want to be ya!
- Nice try, Sparky, but the Olympics are on! Maybe I'll get back to you during rhythmic gymnastics.
- By the time you receive this reply, I'll be in Sao Paolo banging a supermodel, swimming in high-grade coke and living off $12 million in absconded company funds. So long, suckers!
- I can't tell you where I am, but your wife says "Hi," and you're out of beer.
- I don't have email access for the next two weeks because I'm visiting the Dalai Lama to spread his message of world peace. Just kidding! I'm actually clubbing baby seals in Alaska.
- I will be out on May 12, 2003 to celebrate "Mission Accomplished Day," then have short-term duty with the Reserves. I should be back soon.
- I briefly escaped the cubicle maze, only to become disoriented upon seeing the face of the Shiny Yellow Sky God. But my fear of scary open spaces will have me skittering back to the mundane security of my desk as fast as my fast as my harried paws will allow.
and the Number 1 Out-of-Office E-Mail We'd Like to See...
- Dude, I am WAAAAYYYY too stoned to reply to emails today.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
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Selected from 98 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 1, 13 (11st #1)
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 2, Topic Website / Hall of Famer
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 3
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 4, 10 Website / Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 5
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA -- 8
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 9 Website / Hall of Famer
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 11
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Jim Key, Rowlett, TX -- 13
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 15
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- 3 Doors Down, Escatawpa, MS -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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