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Caution: May contain saliva.
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February 15, 2008
The Top 18 Pet Peeves of Cupid
- Always being mistaken for a drunken Danny DeVito.
- Thousands of years old, but he still gets carded EVERY. DAMN. TIME.
- Those voice mail messages from Venus: "So, you don't have enough love to call your mother?"
- Depends keeps upping their offer on that spokescherub gig.
- Ann Coulter's ass? Hard as granite.
- Get too close to George Clooney and he yells, "Beat it, bird boy!"
- Apparently, Boudreaux's Butt Paste only works on *infant* diaper rash.
- No worker's comp for arrow-in-foot injuries.
- Fast-food diets forced a switch to 1.25-inch broadhead arrows to bring down those 300-pound Midwesterners.
- NAMBLA creeps who ask for wingjobs.
- Having to put up with that "only shoot it if you're going to eat it" crap from Ted Nugent.
- Kucinich never gets his payment in on time.
- Frivolous lawsuits filed by People for the Ethical Treatment of Backsides.
- Constantly being hit on by Michael Jackson.
- There remains a desperate need for swaddling loincloths that meet the varied demands of today's modern mobile matchmaker.
- Larry Craig bribing you to shoot arrows through the bathroom stall partitions.
- Ever try lurking in the rose bushes when you're practically naked?
and the Number 1 Pet Peeve of Cupid...
- "The Julia Roberts/Lyle Lovett thing WAS *ONE* BAD SHOT, OKAY?!? I'M SORRY!!!"
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Selected from 79 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 1 (9th #1)
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2, 5 Hall of Famer
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 3
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 4, 6 Website / Hall of Famer
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 7
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 8
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 9, 13 Hall of Famer
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 10
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA -- 10
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 11
- Matt Moore, Fresno, CA -- 12
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 14, Topic
- Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC -- 15 Website
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 16
- Jennifer Ford, Chicago, IL -- 17 Website
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 18
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Heart, Seattle, WA -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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