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Please read TopFive responsibly.
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January 14, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Last week was a bit hectic around the TopFive
Headquarters and Chili Emporium, high atop the
Tina Youthers Building in beautiful Studio City.
Consequently, I owe you folks a list so that you'll
have a complete collection for last week, so I'll
find a way to work in a bonus list *this* week.
The Top 16 Predicted Scandals of 2008
- Teenager Jamie Lynn Spears becomes a grandmother when her daughter is born pregnant.
- The Bush administration somehow destroys all record of the past seven years.
- Global warning finally hits home when Joan Rivers' face melts on the red carpet at the Emmy awards.
- Dozens of Olympians hospitalized after kissing lead-coated medals.
- Al Gore wins yet another coveted prize when he dominates the Coney Island hot-dog eating contest.
- President Bush pulls the U.S. Olympic team from Beijing, demanding, "Mr. Chinese fella, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!"
- J.K. Rowlings reveals that her next book will be about gay wizard Dumbledorf's younger, pre-wizard days as a prominent and openly homophobic, conservative U.S. Senator with a predilection for cruising busy airport men's rooms for anonymous sex.
- Ignored by the media for several weeks, Paris Hilton explodes.
- Bill Clinton fails in his primary campaign when he nails Mrs. Kucinich and Mrs. Thompson, but only gets to third base with Mrs. Obama.
- Simultaneously revealed: Liza Minnelli's longevity secret *and* her addiction to formaldehyde.
- The impact of the television writers' strike becomes very real when ABC announces its new reality show, "I've Got Your Nose."
- After citing an obscure and arcane Constitutional law, Dick Cheney unhinges his jaw and eats Nancy Pelosi.
- A typo in New York City's health code results in a city-wide ban of tranny fatties from restaurants.
- During a debate, Mike Huckabee accidentally casts the moderator into the fiery pits of Hell.
- Angelina Jolie saves two more children from third-world conditions by adopting Britney Spears' kids.
and the Number 1 Predicted Scandal of 2008...
- Hillary Clinton fails a steroid test -- and forgetfully pees into the cup standing up.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 81 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1, 8 (88th #1) Hall of Famer
- Gretchen Koch, Brookfield, IL -- 2, 6, 14 (Hat trick!)
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 3
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 4 Website
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 5, 9
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 10
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 11 Website / Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 12
- Mark Schmidt, Paris, France -- 13 Hall of Famer
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 16 Website / Hall of Famer
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 16 Website / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Jimmy Eats World, Mesa, AZ -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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