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Satisfaction Guaranteed or Your SexyBack
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August 16, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
We have a new TopFive contributor to announce!
Killian Thibodeaux Simanek took his first look at
Planet Earth Tuesday evening and immediately began
ruminating. Killian's father, TopFive Hall of Famer
Brad Simanek, informed me his son is 20 inches long,
which doesn't surprise me one bit, as most male
TopFiver contributors are similarly equipped.
As for today's topic...
In 1951, Fred Morrison began marketing a plastic flying
disc he called the "Pluto Platter." Six years later, he
sold the design to Wham-O, who renamed it the "Frisbee"
-- and it became one of the most popular toys ever.
Hmmm... what *other* products could benefit from renaming?
The Top 20 Proposed Product Renamings
- Starbucks -- Costsbucks
- Double Cheese 'n' Bacon Whopper -- BK Angioplasty
- Lawn Darts -- Kid Kabobs
- Hungryman Dinner -- Buffet in a Box
- Ford Excursion -- Ford Excessive
- SuperMaxx Condoms -- Wishful Thinking, Little Man!
- YouTube -- YouScrewedUpAndNowTheWholeWorldCanSeeItOnTheirTube
- Cell Phone -- Cinemus Interruptus
- Boca Burgers -- I Can't Believe It's Not Ground-Up Bull Groin!
- Windows Vista -- Microsoft Do_It-Yourself Doorstop Kit
- Big Mouth Billy Bass -- Redneck Detector 3000
- Silly Putty -- I Cannot Believe It Is Not Detonator Placement Medium Made Easily Available by Foolish Americans!
- Febreeze -- Stank-B-Gone
- Lamborghini Murcielago -- P-Magnet Twatcatcher
- GI Joe -- Gee, I Prevent Your Little Guy From Growing Up to Be a Metrosexual -- or WORSE!
- Red Bull -- Ritalinade
- Toyota Prius -- Toyota Smug Little Tree-Hugging Prick
- Doritos -- BongSnax
- Dunkin Donuts -- Morning Glory Holes
and the Number 1 Proposed Product Renaming...
- Flowbee -- Christ, My Hair Looks Like Shit!
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 93 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 1, 10 (47th #1/1st child!) Website / Hall of Famer
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 3
- L. A. Bettencourtt, Macon, GA -- 4
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 5
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 6
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 7
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 8
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Yoram Puius, Boston, MA -- 11, 19
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 12 Website / Hall of Famer
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 13, 15 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 16
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 17
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 18
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 20
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 20
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Tony Goldmark, Chicago, IL -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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