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Contains no artificial humor.
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November 5, 2007
The Top 16 Reasons to Excommunicate Nuns
- Tucking chaw in the wrong cheek while taking Communion.
- Always ordering the prime rib on Fridays.
- Refusing Ecclesiastical Court orders to surrender their knuckle-cracking rulers and other weapons of mass destruction.
- Getting logo tattoos after attending a Judas Priest concert.
- Sister Mary Paul is really just plain old Paul.
- Breaking into the sacramental wine one night, then ordering a thousand loaves and fishes on the Pope's Amex.
- Disciplining unruly students by forcing them to watch "Sister Act II."
- Sacramental wine? Good. Sacramental tequila? Not so much.
- Smuggling Philadelphia Cream Swirls into mass to spread on the communion wafers.
- Using metric rulers to administer knuckle-rappings. Those aren't centimeters, they're Satanmeters!
- Every once in a while you have to weed out the cute ones.
- Consistently violating President Bush's torture guidelines for school child interrogations.
- Arranging the other nuns in the football stands so they spell "NOTRE DAME SUX" in black.
- Calling their all-nun death metal band Mother Inferior and the Nasty Habitz.
- Watching "The Exorcist" in the convent rec room and cheering for Linda Blair.
and the Number 1 Reason to Excommunicate Nuns...
- Demanding sainthood based on having performed the miracle of turning red traffic lights green by staring at them.
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Selected from 116 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 1, 4 (16th #1)
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2 Website / Hall of Famer
- Andrew Thomas, Shrewsbury, MA -- 3, 16
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 5, 14
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 6
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 7, 9
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 8 Website / Hall of Famer
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 11
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 13
- Jennifer Ford, Chicago, IL -- 15 Website
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Destiny's Child, Houston, TX -- Ambience (explanation)
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