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Take with pudding.
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April 4, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A 35-year-old Kansas woman sat on her boyfriend's toilet
for two years -- so long that her body was stuck to the
seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.
Doctors said the woman's skin had grown around the seat.
Those wacky Kansans! But the question remains: WHY?!?
The Top 15 Reasons to Spend Two Years on a Toilet
(Part II)
- "I'm not getting off this toilet until the New York Giants win a Super Bowl."
- Because three years would be silly.
- With a laptop and WiFi, there's no real reason to leave!
- Costco held up their end with the fire-sale pallet price on Charmin, now it's time to do your part.
- Alternative methane production takes time.
- You forgot to pack bottled water on your 2006 trip to Mexico.
- Furious at those Guinness bastards for failing to list your breaststroke record of 100 laps in a pool filled with vomit.
- You're a VERY slow reader.
- Determined to wait until that bonehead is out of the White House.
- On the way in you passed your boss, who said, "When you're done, stop by my office. I've got a new project to discuss with you."
- If you leave, you'll have to finish that Denny's meal you were eating.
- Free Wii with 5000 box tops from new Fiber 1 Billion cereal.
- Oh, c'mon! In Kansas, spending two years on the toilet is the equivalent of attending Woodstock, man!
- "Senator Craig, this is Detective Saunders of the Minneapolis Police Department..."
and the Number 1 Reason to Spend Two Years on a Toilet...
- Because you know what evils lie beneath and that the moment you stand up Olfactory Demons that eat Febreze for breakfast and wear Glade Plug-Ins as trophy earrings shall be released unto Mother Earth and all her innocents.
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Selected from 109 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 1 (54th #1) Website / Hall of Famer
- Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY -- 2, 5
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 3
- Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT -- 4 Website
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 7
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 7, Banner Tag
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA -- 10, 14
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 11 Hall of Famer
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 12
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 13
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 15
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- David Friesen, Tacoma, WA -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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