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The curiously strong humor list.
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August 2, 2008
The Top 14 Reasons We're Whispering
(Part II)
- Don't want Mom and Dad to know we're under their bed.
- We're saving our breath for pushing the Hummer to work.
- Grampa's off his meds and gets ornery if he can't hear Matlock's final summation.
- It's Kenny Loggins Ballad Night at the karaoke bar.
- Any screaming from the TopFive basement sweatshop ruins Chris's ability to concentrate on his German elderporn.
- Afraid we'll be waterboarded at Gitmo if we say these things any louder.
- My dinner guests would be absolutely livid if they ever found out I replaced their regular coffee with the strained ashes of my *previous* dinner guests.
- "Do you mind, Senator? I'm conferring with my attorney here."
- Embarrassed to ask pharmacist if there's a preparation stronger than H.
- Pretty sure Pastor Fletcher and the rest of the congregation hold no interest in the results of your chlamydia tests.
- We're waiting for you turn your hearing aid all the way up so we can yell in your ear. Heh.
- Still hoarse from yelling "Iron my shirt!" at Hillary rallies.
- The way she's stroking that Taser like a cat, the librarian likely means it this time.
and the Number 1 Reason We're Whispering...
- If we talked any louder, everyone would hear how much of an asshole we think you are.
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Selected from 142 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC -- 1 (4th #1) Website
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 2, 4 Website / Hall of Famer
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 2
- Randy Lee, Burke, VA -- 3
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 7
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 8, Topic Website / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 9, Banner Tag
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 10
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 11
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 13
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Depeche Mode, Basildon, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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