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In which our hero finds himself in a pickle.
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March 20, 2007
The Top 16 Signs a Bartender's Gone Crazy
- Serves drinks on actual rocks, with actual umbrellas.
- He keeps putting cherry-and-pineapple spears in the draught beer to "fancy it up."
- His "cocktail shaker" has a bendy straw and pictures of Cookie Monster on it.
- She used to use the gun behind the bar for protection. Now she uses it to kill anyone who orders a drink with more than two ingredients.
- Doesn't *ask* if you want fries with that, she just drops a couple right in your drink.
- Swirls each shot in her mouth "just to warm it up a bit."
- While preparing your martini, he puts the shaker down his pants and does the Macarena.
- When you start complaining about your life, he leans in and says "Tell me more!"
- The Bloody Mary you ordered is starting to clot.
- She repeatedly tries to "win the screaming contest" with the blender.
- "You Marines just back from Iraq? Pink Squirrels on the house!!!"
- She's invented her own drink and calls it the Sex in a Port-o-Can.
- You order a Slippery Nipple and a Blowjob, he grabs the canola oil and kneepads.
- Next to the pretzel and peanut snack bowls? Communion wafers.
- Free drinks to anyone who can accurately describe Buddy Hackett's genitalia.
and the Number 1 Sign a Bartender's Gone Crazy...
- He's replaced his glass eye with a green olive.
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Selected from 103 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 1, 10 (12th #1)
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 2
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 3 Hall of Famer
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 4 Website / Hall of Famer
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 5
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 6, 11
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 7
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 8, 11
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 12
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 13
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 15 Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 16 Hall of Famer
- Matt Kall, Solon, OH -- 16
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- The Blues Brothers, Chicago, IL -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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