|
|
|
An instant classic! Just add milk!
|
|
August 9, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Bear Grylls, whose "Man vs. Wild" show is a hit for
the Discovery Channel, is alleged to have faked much
of the show's roughing-it-in-the-wilds segments.
While stunts such as sucking the fluid from fish eyeballs
and squeezing water from animal dung were actually
performed, Grylls supposedly sometimes "roughs it" at
night at resorts with Internet access and restaurants.
Grylls says the allegations are false, but what signs
can *we* look for to make that determination ourselves?
The Top 17 Signs a Survival Expert Is Faking It
- "I could follow this river to a populated location, but my instincts tell me to climb up this embankment and hitch a ride on I-40 instead."
- Looking closely at the rugged mountain range behind him, you notice the familiar shape of the Hollywood sign.
- Today's Episode: "Hunting the Elusive Fifth Bar."
- A "native" at the top of the raging waterfall makes sure only one "survivalist" at a time slides down.
- Someone always seems to place a mint on his sleeping bag.
- That wild bird he's preparing to eat is miraculously accompanied by a styrofoam side of cole slaw.
- The colorful bugs he is eating have little M's on them.
- When he's forced to drink his own urine to survive, you wonder where he got the ice cubes and the little umbrella.
- His canteen looks suspiciously like a Crown Royal bottle painted olive drab green.
- Keeps stopping the natives to ask if they have any Grey Poupon.
- He sucked the venom out of a rattlesnake bite -- on his own left buttock.
- The trek through the Sierra Nevadas includes a side trip to Vegas for a quickie wedding to an 18-year-old stripper.
- His Swiss Army knife has just one attachment: a lemon zester.
- Anyone with any sense knows there's not enough potable water below a women's waist to keep a man alive.
- You're not buying his assertion that the lower Amazonian lagoon toad's mating call is not "eerily similar to the Crazy Frog ringtone."
- Laments that the only thing that helped him choke down that dinner of fish eggs and tree fungus was fermented mashed grape extract.
and the Number 1 Sign a Survival Expert Is Faking It...
- The "python" he's wrestling is only seven inches long and has a circumcision scar.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
|
Selected from 101 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 1, 13, 16 (30th #1/Hat trick!) Hall of Famer
- Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 1 (16th #1) Website
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2, 15 Website / Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 4 Website
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 5, 13
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 6, Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 7
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 8 Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 8
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 9
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 10
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 10 Website
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 11 Website / Hall of Famer
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 12
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 12
- Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA -- 14
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 16
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 17
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Baloo, Jungles of India -- Ambience (explanation)
|
|
|
|
|
|
© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
|
|
|
