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February 12, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
One of NASA's astronauts was recently arrested for
an alleged attempted love-triangle murder gone awry.
Her erratic behavior included the wearing of adult
diapers while driving from Texas to Florida so
she wouldn't have to stop to use the restroom.
The Top 16 Signs an Astronaut Has Gone Nuts
- Aborts the shuttle launch because she doesn't have an aisle seat.
- Keeps asking when they're going to train him to moonwalk.
- Changes his last name from Aldrin to Lightyear.
- Dangles his blanketed infant son out the shuttle window.
- Carries a tube of K-Y in case the aliens try a second anal probe.
- "Houston, we have a cheating, lying whore-bitch who is about to get her eyes clawed out if she doesn't keep her filthy spacewalk gloves off my man."
- Uses the shuttle to buzz his ex-girlfriend's house.
- Wears diapers so he won't miss a minute of the "I Dream of Jeannie" marathon.
- Claims to be the first man to set foot on Reverend Sun Myung Moon.
- "Okay, now this time I'll be Dave and you be HAL. See if I can get back in!"
- Uses the robotic arm to squeegee the shuttle windshield, then hits fellow astronauts up for loose change.
- Fills his air tanks with "Tangaritas."
- Dies on his spacewalk one second after saying, "Hey, watch this! I'm gonna write my name on Russia!"
- "Whitney Houston, I have a problem: I love you!"
- Every time the shuttle passes over western Europe, he contacts Mission Control and screams, "I see London! I see France!"
and the Number 1 Sign an Astronaut Has Gone Nuts...
- Had unprotected sex with Paris Hilton.
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Selected from 160 submissions from 56 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 1 (14th #1)
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 2
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA -- 3
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 4
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 4
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 4 Website / Hall of Famer
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 5
- Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada -- 6
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 7
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 9
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 10, 13 Hall of Famer
- Bingo Yarwell, Perth, Australia -- 11
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 14
- Ian Dauphinee, Calgary, AB, Canada -- 15
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 16 Hall of Famer
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Digger, Lehigh Valley, PA -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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