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See if you can find the missing reindeer inside!
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December 20, 2007
The Top 14 Signs Santa Needs to Lose Some Weight
(Part II)
- His pantry is bare and several elves are missing.
- Instead of leaving cookies out for him, kids around the world leave greasing butter on their roofs so he can slide down the chimney.
- Santa's belt is frequently mistaken as I-90 in Ohio.
- Workshop elves can't seem to get into double-digit "days without an accident" before another one gets offed by a flying button.
- This year, he's staying at home and telling kids to come pick up their presents.
- His sleigh currently needs 29 reindeer to make it move, and Blitzen is in secret talks with Sleigh Pullers Local #324.
- During his stint on "The Biggest Loser," the other contestants all call him Lardass.
- Not only is the plate of cookies and glass of milk gone, your tree is also missing the gingerbread man ornaments your mother made in 1957.
- He hasn't seen his "south pole" since the Crimean War.
- The first Mrs. Claus left him in disgust. The only replacement on Earth with qualifications and experience: a wise-cracking Leah Rimini.
- The large sack for the toys has been replaced by the available space in his navel.
- Lately he's begun to sweat egg nog.
- In order to get the sleigh off the ground, Santa's added two new reindeer: Mack and Peterbilt.
and the Number 1 Sign Santa Needs to Lose Some Weight...
- That effeminate elf following him is actually Richard Simmons.
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Selected from 101 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1 (87th #1) Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 2
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 3
- Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT -- 4 Website
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 6, 13 Website
- Brian Daywalt, Wabash, IN -- 7
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 8
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 8
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 9
- Jennifer Ford, Chicago, IL -- 9 Website
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 9
- Matt Moore, Fresno, CA -- 9
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 9
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 12 Website / Hall of Famer
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 14
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Brian Setzer, Long Island, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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