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May 28, 2008
The Top 14 Signs Someone's Not
Qualified to Be a Superhero
(Part I)
- Won't travel to towns that don't have AA meetings.
- Takes him *two* bounds to leap tall buildings.
- Wonder Woman uses her Golden Lasso to get the truth. *He's* wiring an Army field telephone to your gonads.
- He's only spent four years in the Superhero Senate!
- For some reason, Dahmer-Man keeps losing his boy sidekicks.
- Soiling one's drawers at the first sign of peril seems to work on only the most olfactory-sensitive evildoers, Scatman.
- Heat vision + myopia = yet more state park deforestation.
- Although swimming upstream is an admirable quality, there just isn't much need for SuperSalmon.
- Can only see through wet T-shirts.
- The day's never *officially* been saved by Excess Comma Reducing Man.
- His call-to-arms catch phrase: "We *must* draft legislation!!"
- Unless supervillains have built their sinister lairs inside beer cans or cleverly disguised themselves as 7-Eleven microwave burritos, he hasn't vanquished a damned thing since junior high.
- Morning wood not so much a mutant power as a side effect of the Cinemax After Dark Saturday lineup.
and the Number 1 Sign Someone's Not Qualified to Be a Superhero...
- "So, Thunderbird and Mad Dog, we meet once again! Let's see how you do *this* time, without Night Train's help!"
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Selected from 88 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Randy Pan, Sulphur, LA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
- Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 2 Website
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
- Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID -- 4
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 5
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 6, 11 Hall of Famer
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 7
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 9 Website / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 10, Topic
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 12
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 14
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Tina Turner, Nutbush, TN -- Ambience (explanation)
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