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Betcha can't laugh just once.
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May 29, 2008
The Top 14 Signs Someone's
Not Qualified to Be a Superhero
(Part II)
- The ability to "leap pre-schoolers in a single bound" is not much of a power. In fact, it's actually rather creepy.
- Just because people constantly ignore you doesn't mean you're invisible.
- "Irony Man" will probably *never* strike fear in the hearts of evildoers.
- Misunderstandings seem to plague Wide-Stance Tapping Man.
- Your ability to curdle milk with a mean glance won't even get you a role in the X-Men movies.
- The "M" on his chest is for Methuselah Man, and he's not really very adept at using that walker as a weapon.
- When he's in trouble, the commissioner would probably prefer to send up a signal rather than drive around looking for a guy with a "Will Be Heroic for Food" sign.
- People can smell the "Brown Streak" before they can even see him.
- Knits his own cape.
- His spiffy toolbelt and ability to solve a myriad of problems are impressive, but his "uncanny sensory perception" is due mostly to the cameras Superintendent-Man surreptitiously installed in your bathroom.
- Can't even get his Legion of Subordinates to refer to him as "ExcelMaster Gary."
- Her version of Kryptonite is being lactose-Intolerant and bruising easily.
- Trust me, Lex Luthor doesn't wait for Red Rover to summon him over.
and the Number 1 Sign Someone's Not Qualified to Be a Superhero...
- Superman flies around Earth so fast that he reverses the planet's rotation and rolls back time. Rotating your tassels in opposite directions merely brings Thanksgiving dinner to a bizarre halt, Bob.
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Selected from 88 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 1 (19th #1)
- Andrew Thomas, Shrewsbury, MA -- 2
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 3
- Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID -- 4
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 8
- Randy Pan, Sulphur, LA -- 8
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 9
- Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 10 Website
- Randy Lee, Burke, VA -- 11
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 12, 13 Hall of Famer
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Big Fish Ensemble, Atlanta, GA -- Ambience (explanation)
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