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Mmmm... that scent is intoxicating!
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May 2, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A 7-year-old Palm Beach Gardens boy took his
grandmother's Dodge Durango for an eight-minute
joy ride and left a smoking trail of damage
in his wake, striking (among other things) two
mailboxes, two parked cars and two *moving* cars.
Asked why he did it, the brat responded,
"I wanted to do it 'cuz my friend was in the
car with me. I took it on a high-speed chase."
"But Chris, how can WE tell if there's
a dangerous tot on the road nearby?"
Glad you asked...
The Top 17 Signs the Driver in Front of You Is a Kid
- Keeps tossing lollipop sticks and juice boxes out the window.
- Bumper sticker: "The driver is an honor student at MacArthur Elementary."
- Years of "Grand Theft Auto" practice left him ill-prepared for his attempt to jump the Michigan Avenue drawbridge. Damn shame about the tour boat, too.
- Actually knows how to use the overly complicated GPS system.
- Elbow out the driver's side window, clutchin' a can of Similac.
- At a light, you hear him ask the driver in the next lane, "Excuse me, do you have any purple ketchup?"
- Driver side door layered with bubble gum and boogers.
- All you can see are knuckles on the steering wheel and a tuft of NON-blue-rinsed hair -- and the car just drove right past a Luby's.
- When he enters a school zone, he purposely picks up speed.
- Doesn't pay attention to the road while talking into his tin-can-on-a-string phone.
- Bumper sticker: "Ask me about what I just made in my pants."
- His super-subwoofer stereo blasts "The Wheels on the Bus" at eardrum-liquefying volumes.
- Rear-window decal shows Calvin peeing on broccoli.
- He has to use his other hand to hold down his index and ring fingers when he flips you off.
- That's no hood ornament; his younger brother is duct-taped to the hood.
- He is being pursued by a dozen police cars, three news helicopters and Michael Jackson's limo.
and the Number 1 Sign the Driver in Front of You Is a Kid...
- His chrome Truck Nutz haven't fully descended.
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Selected from 98 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 1 (36th #1) Website / Hall of Famer
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 2
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 3 Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 4
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 5
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 6, 10 Website / Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 7, 15
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 8 Website / Hall of Famer
- Gideon Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa -- 9
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 10, 12
- Boyd Johnson, San Diego, CA -- 10
- Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT -- 11 Website
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Marshal Perlman, Irvine, CA -- 14 Website
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 16
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 17
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 17 Hall of Famer
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- Topic
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Kiss, New York, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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