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Now in an environmentally friendly pump spray!
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August 20, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds
recently broke Hank Aaron's career home run
record, inspiring a yawn felt coast-to-coast.
The Top 15 Signs the Fans Hate You
- They line the Tour de France route waiting for you with styrofoam cups brimming with fresh urine.
- Michael Vick calls with tips on how to improve your image.
- Your last game was the first in team history to be called on account of beer showers.
- The sign outside the park: "Welcome to Philadelphia."
- Morganna the Kissing Bandit dashes onto the field, drops trou, bends over, and tells you to kiss her aging ass.
- It's technically a "standing O" -- if you consider bending over "standing" and that thing an "O."
- You've never seen the wave done before with only middle fingers.
- Everybody in the stadium is wearing your jersey -- with "Dickhead" on the back where your name used to be.
- Those "rain delays" every time you're at bat are actually 4000 people peeing on you.
- Security moves referee Tim Donaghy ahead of you in the line at Arby's.
- Those aren't flashbulbs -- that's muzzle fire.
- Top seller at the souvenir stand: your likeness on a urinal cake.
- Your new exhibit at Cooperstown lets the visitors use the bat you donated to take swings at a pinata that bears your likeness.
- Barry Bonds Bobblehead Voodoo Doll Night is a rousing success.
and the Number 1 Sign the Fans Hate You...
- That's not an egg the chicken mascot just laid in your batting helmet.
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Selected from 114 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 1, 6 (14th #1)
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2, 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 2
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 2
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 3 Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 6
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 7
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 10, 13
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 11
- J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA -- 12
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 14
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 15 Website / Hall of Famer
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Keith Carlock, Clinton, MS -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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