March 15, 2007
The Top 15 Signs We're Losing the War on Drugs
- "Mom, can I have $10 for the marching band's meth sale?"
- Your state's senators: Marion Barry and Cheech Marin.
- According to the nightly news, far more people are killed by drugs than drugs are killed by people.
- The latest drug legislation to pass the Senate was written on Zig Zags.
- Your neighborhood is full of 98-pound moms with spotless houses.
- The lunch lady's change belt now dispenses the three R's: roofies, reefer and Ritalin.
- Coca Cola's newest product: Coke Coke.
- Sometimes it seems Keith Richards is fighting it all by himself.
- Isn't that Nancy Reagan drinking Crystal and smoking a blunt in Snoop's new video?
- Sent to the principal's office for getting caught with crack, your kid emerges a half hour later and skips school to make a bank deposit.
- The new Teen Talk Barbie proclaims that "Cooking meth is hard!"
- It used to be that secretive, adulterous liaisons like that between Reverend Ted Haggard and his man-whore didn't involve drug abuse.
- President Bush proposes a surge of pharmacists to stabilize Colombia.
- A box of Thin Mints now has a street value of $40 and little Suzy has pimped her Schwinn.
and the Number 1 Sign We're Losing the War on Drugs...
- In addition to products with pseudoephedrine, pharmacies now require picture ID for products with Echinacea, folic acid, glucosamine, chondroitin, vitamin C, FD&C yellow #5, xantham gum and lark's vomit.
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Selected from 84 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Matt Kall, Solon, OH -- 1 (5th #1)
- Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX -- 2, 11
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 3, 4
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3, 6 Hall of Famer
- Jaime McCarley, Houston, TX -- 3
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 7, 10
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 8
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 8
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 9, 12, 14 (Hat trick!)
- Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA -- 13
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 15, Banner Tag
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- Topic Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Barenaked Ladies, Toronto, Canada -- Ambience (explanation)
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