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Cynically proven.
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August 18, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
We're currently doing Fiver Month, during
which each day's list will be compiled by one
of the moderators of our Little Fiver lists.
Today's moderator is Hall of Fame contributor
and Top5 Law moderator Geoff Brown, who gets
all the inspiration he needs to make light of the
legal profession from his "other" job as an
appellate lawyer in the metro Detroit area.
Subscribe to Top5 Law today!
The Top 14 Signs You Hired the Wrong Legal Secretary
- His only "legal" experience is as a convicted felon.
- A believer in fair play and transparency, she sends all your documents to opposing counsel.
- Citations he's obtained this week for relevant cases: none.
Citations he's obtained this week for Drunk and Disorderly: three.
- She makes a casual remark that she never knew so many people had "V" as a middle initial.
- When asked to notarize something, she informs you that she never learned shorthandation.
- You overhear a client phone call that ends, "How hard could it be to just represent yourself? The joker I work for can't find his ass with both hands and a flashlight and they let *him* be a lawyer."
- She translates all your Latin legal terms into pig latin.
- When asked to retrieve anything concerning Guantanamo, comes back with chips and salsa.
- When told that "the jury was hung," she starts to giggle uncontrollably.
- Her idea of multitasking includes filling out all legal documents in lipstick.
- Confuse "steno" with "sterno," causing an unexpected office fire.
- No matter what your client is accused of, you secretary always confesses to the crime.
- Every time you ask her to draft a request for a continuance, she cites as the reason, "scared shitless of losing."
and the Number 1 Sign You Hired the Wrong Legal Secretary...
- "Bill of Rights? I paid it with the firm credit card."
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 94 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 1 (11th #1)
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 3, 8 Hall of Famer
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 4, 7 Hall of Famer
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 6
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 9, 14
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 10
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA -- 11
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 12
- Gideon Griebenow, Johannesburg, S Africa -- 13
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 14
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Geoff Brown, Commerce, MI -- Topic, list moderator
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Studio City, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Paul McCartney, Liverpool, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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