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Should bleeding occur, stop using immediately
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September 17, 2007
The Top 16 Signs Your Barber Is Crazy
- Starts each visit by wrapping your genitals in a hot towel.
- "It's red! It's white! It's red! It's white! Oh boy, here comes red again!"
- His blow dryer: a can of hair spray and a lit cigar.
- Explains he's out of shaving cream, then starts licking your face.
- Mounted on a plaque over the door are the ears of his very first customer.
- You point out that your sideburns are uneven, and he rectifies it by grafting on some of his pubic hair.
- The only magazine in the waiting area is "Deranged Tonsorial Engineer Monthly."
- You discover too late that he's never heard the expression "I want my ears lowered."
- "And where would you like your part today, Mr. White?"
- Tries to convince every teenaged guy to go for the "Farrah Fawcett look."
- While you thought a new Mohawk might make you look "edgy," the Klingon brow ridges he added are closer to "psychotic."
- He brags about the time he cut Sinatra's hair -- last week.
- Before he sweeps up, he invites you down on the floor with him to make hair angels.
- Flowbee + nitrous blower + crystal meth = world's fastest haircut, baby!
- Asks you if you'd prefer the Don King or the Bald Britney.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Barber Is Crazy...
- There's a Silly Straw sticking out of the disinfectant jar and his tongue is blue.
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Selected from 106 submissions from 39 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 1 (28th #1)
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 1 (15th #1)
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 2
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 3
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 4 Website / Hall of Famer
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 5
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 7
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 8, Banner Tag Website / Hall of Famer
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 9
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 10 Website
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 10
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 11, Topic Website / Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 12
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 14
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 15
- Gretchen Koch, Brookfield, IL -- 16
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- The Beatles, Liverpool, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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