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Remember: You can't spell "TOP FIVE LIST" without "PLISVE."
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January 18, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A teacher in Italy was suspended because she moonlighted
as a porn star. Anna Ciriani, who calls herself "Madameweb"
in hard-core Internet videos and at erotic shows,
was deemed "not compatible with educational activity."
The Top 16 Signs Your Teacher Is a Porn Star
- She starts class every single day by whipping off her glasses, shaking her hair out of a bun, and bursting the top button on her blouse.
- Naughty, disruptive students have to stay after and clap chalkboard erasers -- on her bare ass.
- She refers to your final exam as "the money shot."
- Kids no longer have to make textbook covers out of brown paper bags. The publisher does it for them.
- Your dad suddenly starts attending parent-teacher conferences.
- During story time, the bunny always dies.
- The entire school orchestra consists of 30 guitars with wah-wah pedals.
- Her assistant, Miss Phluffer, is always handing her a fresh pointer.
- Assigned reading list includes "A Sale of Two Titties" and "A Midsummer Night's Wet Dream."
- Her social studies lesson on Triangular Trade involves real rum and molasses, and has been downloaded over 6 million times on YouTube.
- *No one* falls asleep during her audio-visual presentations.
- "Walk up to the board and solve for y. Nobody? How about 2+2. No? Can ANYBODY walk up to the board?"
- "Today's economics lesson will focus on principle of Opportunity Cost as applied to the charges incurred by pool cleaners, gardeners and pizza delivery boys."
- Standing room only at her cafeteria table on "corn dog and kielbasa day."
- He smirks derisively at the output of the volcano you made for your science project.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Teacher Is a Porn Star...
- The good news: She shows up wearing nothing but a see-through teddy and carrying a Kama Sutra book. The bad news: You're home-schooled.
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Selected from 91 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 1, 14 (17th #1)
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 2, 3
- Bryan Wendeln, Raleigh, NC -- 4, 8
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 5
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 6
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 7
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 8
- J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA -- 9
- Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT -- 10, 13 Website
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 10 Website / Hall of Famer
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 11
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 12
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 15 Website / Hall of Famer
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 16 Website / Hall of Famer
- Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Barry Manilow, Brooklyn, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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