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Now available in IMAX format.
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March 27, 2007
The Top 16 Signs You're a Lousy Pickup Artist
- "You must be an angel, because that outfit is as shapeless as a robe."
- You're so accustomed to pepper spray, you now put it on your eggs.
- Thanks to your faulty hearing, you stuff your pants with stocks.
- "I always seem attracted to women who look like my ex-wife, hideous skank that she is."
- As extra ammo to close the deal, you carry around a copy that one Top 5 List where you hat-tricked.
- You've been turned down every single day for the last two years when you use the old line, "Come here often?" -- by now you should realize your cellmate's just not interested.
- You're tired of being discriminated against because of your sexual orientation. Even neverosexuals have rights, y'know.
- When asked what cologne you're wearing, you proudly proclaim it's the bottle of William Shatner's "Engage" you got at the San Diego Comic-Con in 2001.
- So far, none of the women in the bar seem to be that impressed with your encyclopedic knowledge of venereal diseases.
- "No, it's true! I have a master's rating in 3D chess!"
- When you whisper your come-on line into your wife's ear while engaging in a bit of erotic role-playing in a bar, she splashes her drink on you and storms out.
- You're an 8-year-old boy with a bottle of wine and a pet monkey, yet you go home alone from Neverland Ranch.
- "What's a sweetheart like you doing in a Lamaze class like this?"
- Your best move? Reciting an extemporaneous poem about her beauty. In Klingon.
- "I'm happy to see you. Now, you ask me something about my pocket."
and the Number 1 Sign You're a Lousy Pickup Artist...
- "Bartender? Couple of Zimas for me and tubby here."
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Selected from 87 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- L. A. Bettencourtt, Macon, GA -- 1 (2nd #1)
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 2 Website
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 3, 12
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 4 Website / Hall of Famer
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 5, 11
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 6
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 7
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 8
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 9 Website
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 10
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 13
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 15
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 16 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Conway Twitty, Friars Point, MS -- Ambience (explanation)
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