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Premium humor from Icelandic glaciers.
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December 13, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
TopFive is taking a moment to remember those
unfortunate folks who find themselves alone
in a foreign land during the holidays....
The Top 14 Signs You're
a Red Stater Living in a Blue State
- When the Starbucks barista asks how many shots you want, you reflexively check to see how many are left in your clip.
- You're the only male at the Bush rally and those nice ladies in the flannel shirts have yet to mention Dubya.
- You firmly believe that every child has a chance to grow up to be president -- of the NRA.
- "Wait a second. We get a holiday for the King feller, but not Jeff Davis?"
- You're the only guy at the pride Parade who showed up in an Uncle Sam costume. Well, the only one with pants.
- You did find your favorite brand of hollow points at the gun show, but you had to bring your own hemp bag to carry them home in.
- "Not that we don't appreciate your, um, help, Lester, it's just that the whole 'God hates fags' thing is a bit much for Sunday School lessons at the pre-school level."
- Instead of admiring your banjo playing, passersby keep politely slipping you dentist referrals.
- The nightly quest for evidence of subversive activities in the neighborhood trash cans takes on whole new dimensions when you have to include recycle bins and compost piles in the search.
- You told the sweaty, leather-clad, mustachioed fellow at the bar that you'd show him your hog out back if he showed you his.
- Your neighbors' kids: Britney, Lindsay and Justin.
Your kids: Reagan, Nixon and Taft-Hartley.
- You are stunned to learn your neighbors' are picketing the egg farm because of animal-cruelty issues rather than your anti-chicken-abortion platform.
- You collect all the neighborhood stray cats and dogs to start your own "Camp Gitmo."
and the Number 1 Sign You're a Red Stater Living in a Blue State...
- The Santa in your yard looks suspiciously like Rush Limbaugh.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 79 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 1, 2 (3rd #1)
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 4
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 6 Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7, 10 Hall of Famer
- L. A. Bettencourtt, Macon, GA -- 8
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 9
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 11, 14
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 12
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 13
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Billy Bragg, Barking, Essex, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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