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Humor that's dry-roasted and salted in the shell.
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February 2, 2007
The Top 16 Signs You're
at a Lame Super Bowl Party
- Your friends cheer for the Budweiser Clydesdales and groan at the Coors twins.
- Your host serves plenty of crab cakes and Chesapeake Lager, blissfully unaware that the Colts no longer play in Baltimore.
- Tough to hear the commentary over all the knitting.
- Your host's homemade giant plasma screen TV is leaking all over the carpet and he wants to know if you're type A positive.
- For the 250,000th time, some moron says, "Da Bearz!"
- Your boss says, "As long as you're going to the break room, why don't you make 20 copies of the Whittaker proposal."
- Your drunken buddy casually mentions how much better the game would be if offensive lineman wore only thongs.
- You miss the opening kickoff when your host insists on watching the last five minutes of a "Will & Grace" rerun.
- No one is allowed to do a Jell-O shot without first hearing the host's Bill Cosby impression.
- The guy who organized it refers to fondue as "FUNdue."
- TV's broken, game's on the radio and Earl and Danny are reenacting the action using marionettes.
- "Like those Tofurkey nachos, Bob? The Tupperware bowl they're in comes in six attractive colors for only $6.99."
- Who knew Costco even *made* beer?!
- After every botched play, your host, a former pro football star, insists on showing you how he would have done it -- if he had done it.
- "Okay, everyone: Whenever that Peyton guy throws a touchdown, we each do a sudoku!"
and the Number 1 Sign You're at a Lame Super Bowl Party...
- The only wardrobe malfunction involves too much Zima and your own man-boob.
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Selected from 130 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 1 (10th #1)
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2 Website / Hall of Famer
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 3 Hall of Famer
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 5, 8
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 5
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 6 Website / Hall of Famer
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 6 Website / Hall of Famer
- Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL -- 6
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 7 Website
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 8
- Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA -- 9
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 9
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 10
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 12
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 13
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 14
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 16 Hall of Famer
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Everclear, Portland, OR -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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