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Desperate times call for desperate comedy!
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January 7, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Today's list was compiled from submissions sent
in by our lonely and talented ClubTop5 members.
The Top 13 Signs You're Not All That Green
(Part I)
- You burn tires to create shade for the backyard.
- Two words: styrofoam coffin.
- The hot Orion slave girl who makes out with Captain Kirk is the only thing that comes to mind when you hear "green piece."
- You one-upped your neighbor's Ferrari by buying an RV with a built-in parking garage.
- Your new hybrid runs on whale oil.
- Your idea for biodegradable condoms seemed like a winner -- nine months ago.
- Your lightbulbs are gasoline-powered.
- Instead of a nice and sensible five items, your humor lists often contain a bandwidth-clogging 17 items.
- You're one Siberian tiger coat away from being able to wear the entire animal kingdom.
- The shiny new Prius in your driveway looks like a toy just delivered by the 15-foot-high motorized Santa in the fully lighted sleigh in your front yard with larger-than-life glowing reindeer with laser-light-nosed Rudolph in the lead. And this year you proudly added the animatronic elf choir with surround-sound to your display.
- Your driveway has a bigger oil slick than Jerry Lewis's pillow.
- While you can blend in with Shrek, The Incredible Hulk, and Kermit the Frog, you still don't match the color of David Hasselhoff's face after a long weekend.
and the Number 1 Sign You're Not All That Green...
- Ed Begley, Jr. falls to his death in your Paul Bunyon-esque carbon footprint.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 322 submissions from 171 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Bill Hewins, Fort Thomas, KY -- 1 (Woohoo!)
- David Bloyer, Comer, GA -- 1 (Woohoo!)
- Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY -- 2
- Richard Claiborne, Encino, CA -- 3
- Amy Piel-Glass, Columbus, OH -- 4
- Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN -- 5
- Sebastian Pivnicka, Cleveland, OH -- 6
- Brooke Disbrow, Ann Arbor, MI -- 7
- Paul Lancaster, Blacksburg, VA -- 8
- Dave Witzel, New York, NY -- 9
- Michael Majewski, Troy, MI -- 9
- David Hibbs, League City, TX -- 10
- Randy Lee, Burke, VA -- 11
- Kimberly Ciesiolka, South Bend, IN -- 12
- Bill Hewins, Fort Thomas, KY -- 13
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- XTC, Swindon, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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