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Bet ya can't read just one.
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March 3, 2008
The Top 16 Signs You've
Hired the Wrong Fitness Coach
- Insists a bag of Doritos is necessary for doing crunches.
- After explaining your fitness goals, exclaims, "Oh, you meant *physical* fitness!"
- Has designed a resistance machine to train your "love muscle."
- His physique is less Bruce Lee and more Bruce Vilanch.
- Tells you to "feel the burn" while holding your hand over a candle, G. Gordon Liddy-style.
- Those aren't typos on his business card; he really does work for "Belly Total Fatness."
- His IM alias: PastramiKing
- The skinny bastard can't seem to compliment your progress without adding "... for a fat guy."
- Insists that "Calisthenics" is book by L. Ron Hubbard.
- "What say you cut this set short and help me polish off this box of jelly-filleds?"
- His stamina training involves you jogging to the package store and toting back a case of Zima.
- Claims she's related to Jenny Craig, but looks suspiciously like *Larry* Craig.
- He uses a cheeseburger as a bookmark in the training manual.
- Makes a beeping noise like a truck backing up every time you walk across the room.
- Gets winded unwrapping his cigarettes.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Hired the Wrong Fitness Coach...
- Today's workout: You push him and his out-of-gas car around town so he can run errands.
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Selected from 91 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 1 (30th #1) Website / Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 2, 6
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 3, 4
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 5
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 7
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 8
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 9
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 9
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 10
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 12 Website / Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 13
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Tisha Stacy, Romeoville, IL -- 15
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 16
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- The High Llamas, London, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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