|
|
The Official Humor List of the 2006 Torino Winter Olympics
|
|
|
|
October 14, 2005
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Tom Cruise is pregnant! Or more precisely,
fiancee Katie Holmes is. But we've all
heard those persistent rumors about Tom.
How can we know for sure if the baby's his?
The Top 13 Signs It's Not Tom Cruise's Child
- Baby's emotional and intellectual growth continues past age five.
- His performance in the birth video wins an Oscar.
- Hasn't yet taken complete control of Katie Holmes's life.
- The kid doesn't seem at all interested in planning a creepy scheme to prove own heterosexuality to the media.
- Doesn't get a little baby stiffie when Rebecca De Mornay visits.
- If his first meal with solid food is any indicator, he *can* handle the tooth.
- The child prefers a more conventional religion -- Wiccan.
- Nicole Kidman responds to the birth announcement by laughing so hard she pees herself.
- Sure, Tom may be a big fan of Holmes' parts, but that's *John* Holmes, not Katie.
- Unlike Pop, junior displays a wide range of facial expressions.
- Gurgling inane gibberish? Check. Ecstatic and giggly one minute, then angry and shrill the next? Check. At least six Scientology lawyers climbing up my shorts right now for saying so? Um... nope.
- The OB-GYN looks up from the sheet and exclaims, "Well, it seems *someone* has a minority to report!"
and the Number 1 Sign It's Not Tom Cruise's Child...
- Attached to the umbilical cord is a sperm-bank receipt with David Crosby's name on it.
Our ClubTop5 members get
to see much MUCH more.
Join today!
|
Selected from 111 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 1 (5th #1)
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 1, 4 (8th #1)
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2 Website / Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3, 8, Banner Tag Hall of Famer
- Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL -- 4, 6
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 5
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 7
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 9
- John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 10 Website
- Geoff Brown, Commerce, MI -- 11 Website / Hall of Famer
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 12 Hall of Famer
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 13
- J.J. Gertler, Arlington, VA -- Topic
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Bobby Darin, New York, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
|
|
|
|
|
|
© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
|
|
|
