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Featuring L'il Jon, Twista and Andre 3000.
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June 22, 2005
The Top 16 Signs
Tom Cruise Has Gone Nuts
- Breaks engagement to Katie Holmes to pursue k.d. lang.
- Is writing, directing and producing "The Outsiders II: Ponyboy's in Love!"
- Admits that he's had Katie Holmes for sleepovers in his bed, but insists nothing sexual happened.
- Recently went on "Dr. Phil" to jump on the couch, pump his arms and exuberantly proclaim his love for beets.
- Babbles endlessly about what a good driver Dustin Hoffman is.
- Got Katie to convert to Scientology by promising he'd convert to heterosexuality.
- Actually believes the war in Iraq is going well.
- Oprah showed him jumping around on the couch, but mercifully cut to commercial before he checked her hair for nits and flung his filth.
- Dances around his house lip-synching songs in Bob Seger's underwear.
- Due to an error in his programming, he's begun flashing his big cheesy grin at inappropriate moments.
- "I feel the need... the need for screed!"
- Admits he proposed to Katie Holmes because he couldn't get Johnny Holmes.
- His next PR stunt: dump Katie Holmes for a girl half her age.
- He's signed on to co-star in "Battlefield Earth II: Battlefieldier."
- Spends hour after hour in a dimly lit room, making shadow puppets of all the women he's failed to satisfy.
and the Number 1 Sign Tom Cruise Has Gone Nuts...
- Launched a Scientology jihad, which promptly fell apart when he couldn't get John Travolta and Kirstie Alley out of Dunkin' Donuts.
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Selected from 104 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 1 (33rd #1) Website
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 3, 4
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 5
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 5
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 6, 16 Website / Hall of Famer
- Ian Dauphinee, Calgary, AB, Canada -- 7
- Gordon Sherman, Camp Slayer, Baghdad -- 8
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 9, Banner Tag
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 10, 14 Hall of Famer
- Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA -- 11
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 13
- Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX -- 15
- Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA -- Topic Website
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Willie Nelson, Abott, TX -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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