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July 3, 2007
The Top 15 Surprise Features of the iPhone
(Part II)
- Comes with a default "One of us! One of us! One of us!" ringtone.
- The middle row of the new keypad arrangement spells out "B I L G A T E S U X."
- Won't work if it detects you wearing eyeglasses and a suit.
- Dial #666 to change all the digital "paintings" in Bill Gates' mansion to anime porn.
- The right key sequence turns it into a Jedi lightsabre.
- Purchasing the iJack add-on feature means you need not actually be in the same vicinity as your significant other ever again.
- Just drop it in a glass of Jolt Cola to recharge it.
- Includes video of a steel-cage match between the nerdy-cool "I'm a Mac" guy and the nerdy-cool "Can you hear me now" Verizon guy.
- Comes with its own "Official Apple Beta-Tester Club" card and badge.
- The new touchscreen, combined with AT&T's wireless service, allows you to reach out and fondle someone.
- Rounded edges and mirror smooth surface makes it easier to shove up the ass of a smug owner.
- iVelcro features allows easy attaching to your Segway or Vespa.
- It conveniently combines all your indispensible functions -- phone, camera, music player and PDA -- into a single overpriced, easily lost device.
- It's name is an anagram of "hip one" -- how friggin' cool is THAT?!?
and the Number 1 Surprise Features of the iPhone...
- Cranial-GPS feature comes in handy when you realize you've lost your mind and paid $600 for a freakin' phone!
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Selected from 91 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 1 (16th #1)
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 2, 3
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 4, 7
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 4
- Galen Tatsuo Komatsu, Pearl City, HI -- 5
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 6, 15 Website
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 8, 14 Hall of Famer
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 9
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 10 Website / Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 11, Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 12, Banner Tag
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 13
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Smelly Bogs, Tuscany, Italy -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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