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Important humor document enclosed.
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February 27, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The U.S. Justice Department has opened an investigation into
whether the Central Intelligence Agency destroyed videotape
of two Qaeda suspects' interrogations, a direct violation
of 17 court orders requiring the preservation of that evidence.
The Top 16 Surprise Revelations
From the CIA Videotape Investigation
- They almost all feature a pizza delivery boy, pool technician, or visiting plumber.
- All a big misunderstanding that began when they tried to order waterbeds for the prisoners.
- Special guest interrogator? A visibly aroused Dick Cheney.
- Nine out of ten interrogators agree: Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" is the best tune to waterboard to.
- Bush tells interrogators to threaten prisoners with even harsher punishment during his third term.
- When they ran out of water, Ann Coulter would spit in the detainee's mouth.
- "Waterboarding" pales in comparison to "naked-Chihuahua-butt-boarding."
- Republican leaders are outraged by the destruction of the videos -- and scrambling to find alternate entertainment for the convention.
- Rumsfeld kept asking to borrow the electric nipple clips, yet had no prisoner to interrogate.
- There were 72 women on the tape but they definitely were not the virgin type.
- Lots of quick cuts and irritating slanted angles because they hired out-of-work MTV cameramen. On the plus side, "Gitmo Spring Break" looks pretty awesome.
- Not a lot of torture on the film, but a disturbingly large amount of footage of Dick Cheney eating live babies.
- The "Coming Soon" trailers include Iran and North Korea.
- On the tapes the investigators reviewed, Special Agent Hilton sure didn't seem to mind being tortured.
- "This Interrogation is brought to you by the letters 'C,' 'I,' and 'A!'"
and the Number 1 Surprise Revelation From the CIA Videotape Investigation...
- Condi Rice doesn't look nearly as frumpy when she's in a leather jumpsuit and wielding a whip.
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Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
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Selected from 95 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 1, 9 (30th #1)
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 2 Website / Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 4
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 7
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 8, 10
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 11, 15 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 13
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 14
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 16
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- Topic Website
- Randy Pan, Goat Rock, CA -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Tangerine Dream, Berlin, Germany -- Ambience (explanation)
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© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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