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Fresh humor made to order.
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June 20, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Former White House press secretary Scott McClellan
has written a book, "What Happened," about his time
in the Bush Administration. Not surprisingly, he takes
Bush to task over the Iraq war, among other things.
The Top 18 Surprises in Scott McClellan's Book
- Behind the podium during press conferences, the White House spokesmen always wear red, white and blue spangled hot pants.
- The Pentagon has known Bin Laden's whereabouts for years; they're just waiting for him to go somewhere the president can pronounce.
- Laura Bush: White House Beer Pong Champion, 2002-2008.
- In the last chapter, it turns out the whole thing was just a Dick Cheney dream, as George opens the shower curtain to find President Gore cleaning up.
- At least once a month Bush tries to veto bills that don't include a "Beer nuts are a vegetable" provisions.
- Condi likes to be called "Your Supreme Cocoa Yumminess."
- Dick Cheney's infamous closed-door energy policy meeting included Mobile-Exxon, Halliburton, Cruella de Vil and Satan.
- Once caught a glimpse of a White House secret room in which Cheney's head was being hydraulically lowered onto his body.
- Bush's ranch gets restocked with brush before every visit.
- Cheney's contrite reaction moments after shooting Harry Whittington in the face: "You're next, asswipe."
- Every Thanksgiving the pardoned turkey is promptly taken to the Oval Office and shot by Cheney.
- When McClellan declares we've seen the last Bush, Yoda replies, "No, there is another."
- Due to the confusing "candidate photos ballot," in 2000 Dubya mistakenly voted for Pat Buchanan.
- Cheney has a tricked out golf cart that runs on the blood of middle-class Americans.
- During Cabinet meetings, Secretary Rice preferred the warm, leathery comfort of Donald Rumsfeld's lap.
- Karl Rove is an entirely different kind of "leaker."
- Secret Service constantly confused by twins Jenna and Barbara because of their ambiguous nicknames, "Drinky" and "Slutty."
and the Number 1 Surprise in Scott McClellan's Book...
- Laura Bush is secretly serviced by the Secret Service.
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Selected from 109 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 1 (33rd #1) Hall of Famer
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 2 Website / Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 3 Hall of Famer
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 4 Website / Hall of Famer
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 5
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 6
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 6
- Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA -- 7, 15
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 8
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 11, 13
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 12
- Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 14 Website
- Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- 16
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 17
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 18
- Cristina Vida, Baltimore, MD -- 18
- Brigham Young, Leominster, MA -- Topic
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Blue Rodeo, Toronto, ON, Canada -- Ambience (explanation)
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