August 24, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The world's oldest new dad has fathered his 21st child
at the age of 90 in India and he says that he plans
to continue procreating for at least another decade.
Meanwhile, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar of Arkansas
keep breeding away and are now up to 17 kids.
The Top 16 Things a Parent
With Two Dozen Kids Might Say
- "I figure another year or two oughtta be enough for her to spit out Yolanda and Zeke and then we'll finally have the full set!"
- "Well, after #18, we started getting strays from the trailer court up the road."
- "On your way home, would you please pick up another 55-gallon drum of Valium?"
- "Yes, we're ready to order: Twenty-seven kids' meals and fifth of bourbon, please."
- "I know you hate hand-me-down dresses from your sister, but we all have to make sacrifices, David."
- "The diaper service is here. I'll go warm up the forklift."
- "Every morning, it's the same routine: Wake up, cook half a pig and a couple of cartons of eggs for breakfast, dress them all for school, then spend an hour yelling at my penis."
- "Just wait till your father remembers your name!"
- "Hey, wanna see my wife do her impression of a clown car?"
- "Sweetie, come and help mommy out of her chair. OK, now help mommy's uterus out of the chair."
- "Will you kids SHUT THE HELL UP?!?! Your mother and I are trying to have sex!"
- "We *always* use that method -- the problem is Herman's white and *has* no rhythm."
- "Is this heaven?"
"No, it's Costco."
- "Get back to work! Those sneakers aren't going make themselves!"
- "Eat all your vegetables, Michael. You know there are starving children in the family room."
and the Number 1 Thing a Parent With Two Dozen Kids Might Say...
- "Looks like rain. Better park the car in Mom's vagina."
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Selected from 113 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 1, 14 (16th #1)
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 2
- Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA -- 3
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 4
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 5
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 7
- Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA -- 8
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 8 Hall of Famer
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- 10
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 11
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 11
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 12
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 13
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 13
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA -- 15
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 16
- Mike Powers, Austin, TX -- Topic
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- Banner Tag Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Marvin Gaye, Washington, DC -- Ambience (explanation)
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