November 2, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A Russian woman recently gave birth to a 17-pound
baby -- and TopFive's microphones were there!
The Top 15 Things Heard at
the Delivery of the 17-Pound Baby
(Part II)
- "Peel back the folds to see if it's a boy or girl."
- "I have to spank this baby so it'll start breathing. Nurse, get me a shovel!"
- "Give me the damn scissors, Doc; I'm giving myself a vasectomy *right now*!"
- "It was sure cool of Shaq to be here when your wife delivered, Wee Man."
- "Awww, the little guy must be hungry. When he came out he was chewing on placenta and washing it down with umbilical cord juice."
- "Look, he has his mothers eyes and his daddy's five o'clock shadow."
- "No, not forceps -- I said a FORKLIFT!"
- "Tell the father he'd better start reading all that penis-enlargement spam."
- "Should I spank it or harpoon it?"
- "Keep in mind, he'll only be about eight pounds once we remove the listening devices."
- "Tell my broker to buy milk futures -- STAT!"
- "Yes, Mr. Jones, you can cut the umbilical cord -- assuming you brought a chain saw."
- "You're gonna need a bigger vagina."
- "Vhe vhill name new baby 'Nadezhda... istan.'"
and the Number 1 Thing Heard at the Delivery of the 17-Pound Baby...
- [BEEP... BEEP... BEEP...] "That's not the heart monitor, sir. That's your kid backing out of the womb."
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Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
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Selected from 125 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 1 (31st #1) Hall of Famer
- Andy Grosser, Boston, MA -- 2
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 3, 5
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 4, Banner Tag Website / Hall of Famer
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 4
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 4
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 4
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 6
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 7
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 8 Website / Hall of Famer
- Matt Moore, Fresno, CA -- 9
- Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL -- 9
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 10, 12
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 10
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA -- 13
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 14 Website
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 14
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Sonny Hall and the Echoes, Ponchatoula, LA -- Ambience (explanation)
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