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Did you motorboat 'em?
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February 27, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The Kansas State Board of Education has decided to
replace science standards that questioned the theory
of evolution and had the support of "intelligent design"
advocates. The new standards will be evolution-friendly.
Wonder what sort of thing they'll have to omit now?
The Top 13 Things No Longer Taught
in Kansas Science Classes
- Masturbation causes crotch goblins.
- Amelia Earhart disappeared when she flew off the edge of the Earth.
- Hurricanes always come during God's cough and cold season.
- A big-bearded man in the clouds controls touchdown receptions.
- An object in motion tends to stay in motion unless Jesus wants it to stop.
- On multiple-choice tests, "'Cause the Bible tells me so" can no longer be offered as a choice.
- God gave humans opposable thumbs so they could hold hymnals.
- Barney is the last of the talking dinosaurs.
- Calculus is about the rate of change, and everyone should resist *all* change.
- Egyptian pyramids were built by dinosaurs, not aliens.
- On the eighth day, God created Dale Earnhardt.
- Two plus two equals five, because you add one to every equation for the Holy Ghost.
and the Number 1 Thing No Longer Taught in Kansas Science Classes...
- "Welcome to Sex Ed. On your wedding night, an angel will visit you and tell you everything you need to know about sex. This concludes Sex Ed."
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Selected from 87 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 1 (9th #1)
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 2, 9 Hall of Famer
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 3
- John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 4 Website
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 7 Hall of Famer
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 8 Website
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 10, 13
- Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI -- 11
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 12
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Kansas, Topeka, KS -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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