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Regarding that cake out in the rain? Um, our bad.
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May 14, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A judge sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail
for violating her probation. She will not be allowed
any work release, furloughs, use of an alternative
jail or any electronic monitoring in lieu of jail.
The poor thing! Let's kick her while she's down!
The Top 17 Things Overheard
in Paris Hilton's Jail
- "What do you mean there are no boys? What do you girls do for fun around here?"
- "What? No cameras allowed for the strip search?"
- "Where's the f***ing mint on my f***ing pillow? For that matter, where's my f***ing pillow?!?"
- "I am *not* on a hunger strike. If I walk out of here weighing more than Nicole, I'll be the laughing stock of both coasts!"
- "What do you mean, no sanitary toilet seat covers?"
- "I have to pee without a door for privacy? I haven't been this exposed since... well, never mind."
- "This orange jumpsuit doesn't work for me. I'm more of a winter. Could I get a mauve, in a size two?"
- "Listen, lady, I've seen files, drugs and all kinds of other things -- but a *Chihuahua* baked in a cake?"
- "Live everyday like it's your birthday, huh? Wax my back, bitch! And happy birthday!"
- "You know, I've never seen that delouser not work on an inmate before."
- "What's a girl got to do to get a decent Monte Cristo in here? ... Ewww, really? Well, OK."
- "It's bad enough they make me sandpaper the mop handles, but do the guards have to stand around and watch?"
- "No, Paris, that's not a mint on your pillow -- it's someone's ear."
- "Good news, Paris: You're getting a Brazilian today. Meet your new cellmate, Fernanda."
- "We'll have Paris, all ways."
- "You can make wine with ketchup and fruit juice? That's hot!"
and the Number 1 Thing Overheard in Paris Hilton's Jail...
- "You want to toss my salad tonight? Wow, did I get lucky when they assigned me to your cell!"
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Selected from 94 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 1, 15 (2nd #1)
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 2
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 3, 17
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 4
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 5
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 6, 13
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 6
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 7
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 8
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 9
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 10
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Gretchen Koch, Brookfield, IL -- 11, 12, 15 (Hat trick!)
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 13
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 14, 16
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 16
- Patty Herron, Cullman, AL -- 16
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA -- Topic
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- Banner Tag Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- George Gershwin, New York, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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