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We secretly replaced your regular humor with TopFive Crystals.
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August 13, 2007
The Top 17 Things We're Happy About
- The new Frappuccino flavors are here! The new Frappuccino flavors are here!
- Whoopi Goldberg is on "The View" -- meaning there is *still* no chance of me ever watching it.
- TopFive humor is now available in suppository form.
- Two more figurines and my Chip 'N' Dale Museum of Torture is complete!
- A single Outback Bloomin' Onion satisfies cholesterol requirements for an entire year.
- The Duggars finally pushed that pesky fetus out and are free to get pregnant again!
- Carlos Mencia has not yet discovered, and subsequently plagiarized, TopFive's archives.
- Just had free cake and a loud clapping "Happy Birthday" performed by waiters at T.G.I. Fridays for the sixth week in a row.
- Hillary's showing cleavage!
- Kids will soon be back in school -- and not online pwning my ass in Xbox Live Halo.
- Buying a lukewarm carb-feast for my child, glistening with grease, wrapped in about a pound of instant trash, and containing a tiny plastic toy that will hold his/her attention for maybe 10 seconds.
- Still possible to bribe your way as high as number 6 on the Top 5 List.
- John Denver's shoulder are currently 100% sunshine-free.
- Three words, baby: presidential term limits
- Coffee and a sandwich at the O'Hare Starbucks? Still only $50!
- Out of all the people in the world, the widow of the deposed Nigerian president picked ME to write to! Me, me, ME!
and the Number 1 Thing We're Happy About...
- Dick Cheney's infectious smile!
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Selected from 99 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 1, 4 (18th #1)
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 2
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 3 Website
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 4, 16
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 5, 7 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA -- 8
- Matt Kall, Solon, OH -- 9
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 10
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 11
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 12
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 13
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 14
- Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 15 Website
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 17 Hall of Famer
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- Topic
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- Banner Tag Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- The Who, London, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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