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TopFive's Funny Valentines Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4 I may be eccentric With a face taut and blanched, But your dreams can come true Here at Neverland Ranch. So sleep close by me On these sheets of vermillion, And if you keep Your mouth shut, You'll get $25 million! (Brad Simanek) From Tom Ridge to America: I wanted true love for you all, With sweet, safe expressions in bed. So in honor of Valentine's Day, The new threat condition is red. (David Kass) I love you despite The hair on your ass, The fat in your stomach And when you pass gas. Though your breath can be foul And your kisses so-so, I can still close my eyes And pretend you're J.Lo. (Andy Krakowski) My hairstyle's kickin', My ride draws the chicks. I'm pierced, tatted, buff -- Yeah, I'm hot. But the thing most beguiling Is my vocal styling. My rhymes simply Can't be forgot...ten. (John Treusch) I watch your every move With never-ending ardor. So what the hell's the deal With the restraining order? (Greg Preece) I hope that you Will take me back! I never would Have kissed her, If only you Had told me first That waitress Was your sister. (John Gephart) I cannot bear To let you get away, So here you'll stay In Guantanamo Bay. (David Kass) How I long to touch Your caramel skin And stroke your hair of orange. Orange? Dammit, I can't rhyme with "orange"! Go get a new dye job, baby! (Carl Knorr) © Copyright 1994-2008.  All rights reserved. TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White. Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.