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Fewer nicks and shaves than with a razor list.
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February 8, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The list of candidates in the U.S. presidential
primaries is thinning faster than Nicolas Cages hair.
They're dropping out one-by-one, due to lack
of support. Many of them have failed to get the
attention of the all-important under-25 voters.
Had they only asked TopFive for advice,
we'd have been more than happy to help...
The Top 14 Ways Candidates
Can Attract the Youth Vote
- All: Challenge the other candidates to a winner-take-all round of Rock Band.
- Dennis Kucinich: Give campaign speeches in his native language, Klingon.
- Ron Paul: Since there's no "Arsenio Hall Show" to play saxophone on, he should get kicked in the sack on "Jackass."
- Mike Huckabee: Publicly offer Chuck Norris the new cabinet post, Secretary of Kicking MegaAss.
- John McCain: No more age restrictions on early-bird dinners!
- Hillary Clinton: Nothing gets the kids' attention like a "leaked" sex video on the Internet.
- Ron Paul: Post video on YouTube highlighting supreme Guitar Hero skillz.
- John McCain: Change name to John McLovin'.
- Hillary Clinton: Promise voters a Starbucks on every corner and a Wii in every den.
- Ron Paul: Dress more like his "sister," Ru.
- Rudy Giuliani: Stop trying to work "9/11" into every sound bite, and try using, "Don't taze me, bro!"
- Hillary Clinton: Cheat on Bill with that dude from "Knocked Up."
- Barack Obama: Spinners and a thumpin' stereo on Escalade One.
and the Number 1 Way Candidates Can Attract the Youth Vote...
- Ron Paul: Appear in costume as Ron Burgandy. Treat women like immigrants.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 99 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA -- 2
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 3, Topic Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Gretchen Koch, Brookfield, IL -- 5
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 6, 8
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- 9, 12
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 11 Website / Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 13
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 14 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Bono, Dublin, Ireland -- Ambience (explanation)
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© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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