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Adventure... excitement... TopFive craves not these things.
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December 14, 2007
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Someone tried to sabotage a Puerto Rican beauty
queen's chances at the Miss Universe crown
by spraying her dress with pepper spray.
She won anyway, after icing her body down backstage
(which, coincidentally, would have been *my* suggestion).
The Top 12 Ways to Sabotage a Beauty Pageant
- Toilets that puke back.
- "We've secretly replaced Miss California's rice cakes with styrofoam patties. Let's see if she notices."
- Make binging and purging separate categories, both judged by weight.
- Have the talent portion judged by Paula Abdul.
- Remove all mirrors, blow dryers and makeup from the dressing room.
- Joan and Melissa Rivers. Need I say more?
- Prior to the interview segment, replace lipstick tubes with strawberry-flavored glue sticks.
- Require that all answers must be provided in the form of a coherent statement.
- Snakes On The Stage!
- Tell Miss Congeniality that her boyfriend is backstage making out with Britney Spears.
- All judges must have a current membership with the Braille Institute.
and the Number 1 Way to Sabotage a Beauty Pageant...
- Thump their skulls. Toss out the ones that don't sound fresh.
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Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
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Selected from 94 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 1, 11 (16th #1)
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 2
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 3 Hall of Famer
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 4, 7
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 6
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 8
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 12
- Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- Banner Tag
- Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Big Head Todd & the Monsters, Boulder, CO -- Ambience (explanation)
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© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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