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May 23, 2008
The Top 15 Ways We at TopFive
Are Helping to Save the Environment
- Only using 100 percent post-consumer recycled paper and soy-based inks when photocopying our butts.
- Fleet of TopFive Hummer stretch limos replaced by rickshaws pulled by orphaned children.
- Less reliance on hard-to-biodegrade condoms than on recyclable Juggs magazines.
- Our dates? 100 percent recycled plastic!
- Prodigious quantities of methane gas produced by TopFive staffers now harnessed to power Chris White's collection of personal massage implements.
- Preserving our personal energy by not having sex since 1978!
- All TopFive humor is 90 percent post-consumer content. And you *don't* want to know where we get the raw material.
- The good news: Carbon footprint smaller.
The bad news: Carbon assprint much, much larger.
- TopFive contributor's lounge now 87 percent fuel efficient on "Bean burrito Tuesdays."
- TopFive corporate policy mandates that all contributors use only sustainable, locally-grown organic weed.
- Cutting our wastewater in half by now showering every *other* month.
- Using far less paper by publishing Top 5 lists instead of, say... oh, Top 14 or Top 15 lists.
- Until cloning is possible, the chance of any of us reproducing is virtually nil.
- Outright laughter ejects trace amounts of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, but quiet chuckles don't. So we're working diligently to keep it down to "vaguely droll."
and the Number 1 Way We at TopFive Are Helping to Save the Environment...
- By using an army of unpaid shut-ins, Chris White has been able to create an Internet empire with the carbon footprint of a lemonade stand.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 105 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 1, 7 (23rd #1)
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 2, 15
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Gordon Sherman, San Antonio, TX -- 3, 12
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 3
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 3, 4
- Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA -- 4
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 4
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 5, 6 Website / Hall of Famer
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 5
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 6, 9
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 7, 8, Topic
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 9
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 10
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 11, 14 Hall of Famer
- Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA -- 12
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 13 Website / Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Marvin Gaye, Washington, D.C. -- Ambience (explanation)
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