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Should not be read by people taking MAOIs.
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January 17, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Thousands of "Hannah Montana" fans who couldn't
get concert tickets are suing the teen performer's
fan club over memberships they claim were
supposed to give them priority for seats.
The Top 15 Worst Fan Club Perks
- Rolling Stones: Front-of-the-line privileges at the Geritol tent.
- Wayne Newton: Autographed 8x10 of his enlarged prostate.
- Lindsay Lohan: You get to go clubbing with Lindsay and hold her personal stash in YOUR pocket!
- Michael Jackson: Invitation to the Official Jacko Friday Nite Funtime Kidz-Only Sleepover and Pajama Party!
- Paris Hilton: Paris Hilton.
- Vladimir Putin: You get to donate as much money as he wants you to and you get to vote as many times as he tells you.
- Hamas: Free custom belt and vest to first 1000 members.
- Katie Holmes: You get to help her expand her escape tunnel with your mom's own best serving spoon.
- Yoko Ono: The singing-Yoko car alarm.
- TopFive: Five Cheeze Doodles and a picture of David Letterman autographed by Chris White himself.
- Britney Spears: As her designated underwear wrangler, you get to carry spares in case Kevin sends a court-appointed Panty Inspector around.
- Barry Bonds: You get to mow his lawn while he's in jail.
- Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris Fan Club members never need dental work. Chuck Norris just shows up and kicks the problem teeth out of your mouth.
- Amy Winehouse: Anything that falls out of her nose, you can keep.
and the Number 1 Worst Fan Club Perk...
- Olsen Twins: Entered into a drawing for an all-expense-paid trip to New York to hang out with Mary-Kate for a day and hold her hair while she vomits.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 83 submissions from 30 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 1 (5th #1)
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 2
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 3
- Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO -- 4
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 5
- Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA -- 5
- Barb Astrin, Cumming, GA -- 6, 13
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Gretchen Koch, Brookfield, IL -- 8
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 9
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 10
- J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA -- 11
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 12 Website / Hall of Famer
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 14, 15 Hall of Famer
- Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Jellyfish, San Francisco, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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