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(generic equivalent of Ortho-Laughum 1/50)
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May 31, 2007
The Top 17 Worst TV Season-Ending Cliffhangers
- "The Simpsons": Bart swallows a bottle of Marge's Valium after realizing he is voiced by a 40-year-old women.
- "The Sopranos": When Dr. Melfi shows Tony her penis and admits to love affairs with Paulie, Phil, Carmella, Carmine and Meadow, Tony must choose: Whack them all or pursue his dream by moving to Nebraska and starting anew as a Pilates instructor.
- "The Tudors": Will Henry VIII marry Anne Boleyn?!?
- "Masterpiece Theatre": The countess lays stricken with a mysterious ailment, and her only hope is if you, the viewer, demonstrate your support for public television by calling one of our operators with your pledge right now!
- "Law & Order": After weathering the blistering media inquisition brought on by Jack McCoy's public-court masturbation breakdown, D.A. Arthur Branch decides the only way to fix this Godforsaken country is to run for president in 2008!
- "The View": In a down-and-dirty chick fight, Elisabeth Hasselbeck yanks on Rosie O'Donnell's hair, which comes off, along with a mask, and reveals... Mexican wrestler El Santo!
- "The King of Queens": Will Doug's gender-reassignment surgery force a title change?
- "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?": Eleventh-hour negotiations to line up a certain celebrity contestant for next season's opener hinge on White House insistence on pre-screening the questions.
- "CSI Miami": Tired of the constant preening and posing in the forensics lab, city officials threaten to replace all the colored mood lighting with plain old fluorescent bulbs.
- "Grey's Anatomy": Trouble lurks when Yang's cousin Oliver, A.K.A. Dr. McSleezy, starts hitting on Meredith.
- "House": Dr. House gives up medicine to pursue a career in figure skating. When his coach has an embolism on the tour bus, House must perform delicate brain surgery with Michelle Kwan's left skate as a scalpel.
- "Lost": The mysterious treetop-dwelling assailant responsible for a recent rash of skull fractures and head traumas is revealed in the final shot -- but could it really be the coconut-wielding ghost of Bob Denver?
- "24": With only one hour left, Jack Bauer must decide between saving humanity and watching "60 Minutes."
- "Heroes": Safe in his cubicle, Hiro awakens suddenly from the most amazing dream, screaming, "No! We're supposed to *shave* the cheerleader!"; meanwhile, his evil coworkers conspire to slip more acid into his Mountain Dew.
- "I Love Lucy": Tension mounts when Ricky comes home with a double bed.
- "COPS": Sparks fly when officers Lilith Meyerowitz and Lashonda Hairston pull over the obviously inebriated Mel Gibson, Michael Richards and Don Imus.
and the Number 1 Worst TV Season-Ending Cliffhanger...
- "Baywatch": Panicked cries of "Help! Save me!" are ignored inside the guard station as a drunken David Hasselhoff tries to eat a hamburger off the floor.
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Selected from 98 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 1, 14 (29th #1) Hall of Famer
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 2, 4, 12 (Hat trick!)
- Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT -- 3
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 5, 8
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, 9, 10 (Hat trick!) Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 7
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 13 Website / Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 16
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 17
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Harry Webb, Lucknow, India -- Ambience (explanation)
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